why am i thinking about all this.txt
jul 12, 2025 why am i thinking about all this? man fucking hell external disturbances interfere with my thoughts the train of thought crashes with every interference sigh. why? because i have some time now that i cant really do anything or can i? thats why im thinking ive been doing this for so many fucking times i still dont really know no, i do know. its just that i cant do them what else? what now? is it possible that i can train my brain to think better all around? faster, smarter, more efficient? why do i even bother to try? i ca- i - sigh. what is it again? tracing back... solve my problems. why do i have problems? why even bother when i can just be satisfied/content with how it is? surrender. nah, i cant. i can control my will to think/try. i can just literally not bother at all. why? because i believe that its either useless, meaningless, or too hard to be beneficial. meaning. what does it mean to mean? why mean?